I like to make things easy in my life, and I think the easiest way to make things..well, easy is by combining things. It took me a while but I realized I could combine two things I really enjoy, men and drinking, by dating bartenders. A win-win situation for everyone.
The first bartender I discovered was out in Long Island when my friend A was dating a juicehead and we would go visit the bar he worked at, well his friend, L, also worked there, and we drunkenly hit it off and exchanged numbers and began to chat. He was certainly not the best looking but he was really nice and would serve me drinks until we left and then he would drive me home and buy me McDonald's and we would eat and watch bad tv shows (the way to my heart is so simple, it kills me). Turns out L used to be severely overweight and had gotten his tummy tucked, if only my life could be so simple, but I digress. We never went out on a date, only once did I go with him to his indoor roller hockey league game, but I wasn't interested in much more. The perks of dating a bartender especially when you're underage is getting into the bar and getting free drinks. I began to lose interest in L but he was bartending at a bar in Rockaway so I took my favorite drinking buddy, Dancer Pants, with me. We secured our seats in the corner of the back bar and did not move for a solid six hours, stories were shared, shots were taken (we even had Uncle Rico from Rockaway as I fondly remember him, buy us shots of Patron-before it was cool). I then noticed L talking to another girl which happened to be in A's sorority, I was not amused so Dancer Pants and I decided to leave. We also decided it would be a good idea to just walk over the bridge from Rockaway into Broad Channel. Only one of those decisions were a good idea. In the end I stopped speaking to L for 2 reasons, 1 because he became an annoying club promoter and would constantly send me event invitations on Facebook for when pornstars would make guest appearances at "cool" places in Long Island and 2 because he would wear a shirt in the pool.
I really enjoy going out in the winter, not because I don't have anyone to cuddle with at home but the bars aren't as crowded and I can drink to forget that I don't have anyone to cuddle with at home. A couple of years ago I went out with some girlfriends from high school, after bouncing around to a couple of bars we ended up at Calico Jack's, I was already working on my buzz and I made my way to the bar, and started chatting to the guy next to me, he then introduced me to his cousin, the bartender, J. Well, from that moment on we spent the entire time holding hands across the bar, until finally we had to leave the bar, he wrote his number on a napkin as my future husband. He took me out to dinner, opened the car door for me, and I thought we really hit it off. We hung out a few more times and then after a few months he just plain ignored me, I certainly don't pursue anyone, I had just sent a couple texts but they were very clearly ignored. I was over it, even though I had really liked him. Time passed and it was G's boyfriend's birthday and he decided to have an open bar at Calico's, it was certainly fate that when we got to the bar, J was on TOP of the bar, shirtless and pouring beer on his chest. I got drunker and at one point leaped across the bar and yelled at him (I can be dramatic). After that point we became friends and had other interesting encounters, like the time I had won a free happy hour (you know from those annoying girls who make you fill out your information while you're trying to order your drink, well I never win and I was excited to go). I brought Dancer Pants and off we went. Now J knows I have an obsession with margaritas and he does try his hardest to impress me with his margie making skills, but I am certain he roofies them, because at about 7, I was puking in the bushes on Second Avenue with 2 very nice NYPD officers holding back my hair. Every so often I'll see J bartending and he will get me drunk and we smooch before I leave the bar and that is exactly the type of dynamic I am most happy with.
I'm sure eventually I will find someone who will meet my standards of making a perfect margarita and being shirtless in water.
